Subjective things like beauty, love, feelings are those which we describe based on the path we have taken, that is why, there are so many intepertation of each things.. how we feel is actually in our hands, if this is true
How was my day today, well, not much... wish i have done more. Tommorrow Norja is coming up, have to hide " the bag" from now on will be known as TB, it contains very important information... yeah almost every thing about Yanie... only if she knew.. HA HA HA... i can be so bad.. i never thought that i can compile so much about a person with in 2 years. When i have the know how, i will try to create a web site about my obsession with Yanie...
Subjective things like beauty, love, feelings are those which we describe based on the path we have taken, that is why, there are so many intepertation of each things.. how we feel is actually in our hands, if this is true, then we are the one who is responsible to our actions.
Actually the first paragraph meant to be posted 2 days ago.
Last night spent sometime speaking with yanie.. it sure heal a sore heart. Once i met one lady, her name was only Kay. We spoke from the begining of our journey to Kuala Lumpur. A nearly 5hr conversation. Ms Kay is an amazing women... she has done a lot in her life time. But the 2 most important point that i got from her is that, first... ppl see the same thing from many different point of view, which their opinions are influenced by their life experience, their knowledge level, their exposure to the situation and finally their intelligence. Knowledgeable in my opinion is different from intelligence. Knowledge is like a sword and intelligence is like a skill worrior. If the sword is in the hand of a peasants, it will just rot. And if it is in the hand of a warrior, it can be used to conquer countries. That one point. The second point, which she corrected me, you do not forgive and forget, you forgive and you bear, why? well let me just put it this way, if you are involve in an accident do you just forget what ever happen, if it is a major accident, there will be visible and psychological scars that will remind you what you have gone through. So you have to bear the pain through out your life, so does our "accidents" with people around us. You can forgive them, but you can never the hurt they have caused you. You just have to bear the pain, humiliation, loss... whatever mixture of feelings that person caused you, until it goes away, but the scar will still be there, it will always remind you what you have gone through,it will influence a lot of your decisions in the future. Thus influence the way you see things.
What i have gone through with yanie, is something that i have to bear during my lonely night, and when the room suddenly grows cold and the one thing that i wish is her presence. I have to bear this.. i still have the things .... yes.. the memorilia is still there..i do not wish to let go of everything.
So..simply said.. i may marry the wrong person.. but i doesnt mean i cannot be happy with the situation.. just make the best of the situations, dan pray very hard, the same passion grows in this relationship.
another day gone by... got my stuff back from sheila, i am keeping it till sheila came back from her one week class. She got exams to attend to, classes and assingments which she has to finished. I have given those stuff to her as a safety precautions, as well as to keep my memory of yanie.. why one should ask i want to keep such memoralia? well, i like to go back to all the feelings that i have felt with her. Why? Because those are the only time so far in my life, which i have the chance to indulge my self with the person whom i'am really crazy about... let put one pathetic line into this... Yanie is the only person that i know that can make me wet. I mean really wet. There is not one time that i can remember that, when i am near her and stay dried. i felt as if me and yanie are made for each other, but, as the fate have it, there are a lot of things that just block out path dan the most dominant is the fact that she is crazy over her boyfriend, which she has been with for nearly 7 years. But when she was with me... after a while.. as you read before, it happened. the only thing is that, i was not confident enough to just ask her hand when the chance was still there.
Right now, i am already married and considered her as the one that got away. but the experience with her... well it is priceless.. so much so.. i wish to write about this passion of mine that gone wild and for once in my life, i know how passionate i can be..
I hope, by the 15th, i will have written the journal i had written to calm down my nerves, when i was with her. It may sound pathetic.. i am just a romantic, if you can classify me as that. As for this time, i want to go to sleep.
