Okay, long time i have written.. i dont know what to say, my wedding will be this christmast, but my heart is sad, because, i will not and cannot be close to Yanie anymore. We are close, close as anyone can get, but right now we have to admit, that even though we love each other, we still have people who still love and need us, yanie and me can still be with each other. i have the ways to make her important in my life, so important, that anyone who enters my life can never take her out. and i know she like that, that is why we can still be together. but never will i ever have the chance to see her carries my baby. i wish to live and end my life with her and she knows that. Right now we have out commitments, she have her boyfriend and i have my fiance. I fancy her on the first day i lay my eyes on her, but back then she can never accept me, because her love for her boyfriend is more then her love for me.. and in my haste i accept my current fiance as replacement for her.. but in life, real love, has no replacement.. how am i going to live my life after this. i just do not have the answer, time flies by so fast, that it make me sick... the wedding is just arround the corner.. i have prepared nothing, i dont feel like becoming a husband of a father or fathering a child with a woman who i marries on a rebound.. sometime i pray for the best solution.
what is the best solution... furthermore Yanie can never promise me that she can fully love me if i marry her.. because she still have and love her boyfriend.... then do i live my life alone and desolent and jealosy is my only ally, i do not wish to hurt Yanie, the person whom i love with my life, nor do i have the ability to win her love fully.. i can love her with out any condition,.. but... as a person i will be hurt everytime knowing what she does when she is with her boyfriend.... it is the same feeling i have when i know my ex was with her boyfriend, knowing very well what they have done ( if not how can she refuse my approach her for sex?).. life is complicated.. do we live for the minute, because no two minute is the same, or do we live for the big picture and sacrifices all those you are facing now... One used to say, success is a journey, it is not the goal.. am i a failure, if my journey, is not as what i want and expect.. it just a jorney from A to B.. then what....
How am i going to live my old age with my current fiance... i like her, but truthfully, my love for her is lacking
help me if anyone ever stumble on this blog
